__BEACH BUM__"The heart of a man is like deep water..." -Proverbs 20:5

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Tuesday, May 09, 2006 + How to tell if ian is angry + first things first... i have no idea why i am posting this. Most ppl how know me sparingly well also know i tend to keep a cool head. Some might even question if ian even DOES get angry. Well, i'm human too ya? This whole year has been a mistake. Not a series of mistakes, a mistake. But in God's mercy, thankfully its not been a waste. I hate waste more than i hate mistakes. In my grand experiment i tried to use my heart more than my head this year, perhaps thats why i feel like a metal beam is stuck in my chest. Great Leap Backward. I have grown in ways unexpected. But if i knew the path was this rough, i would not have chosen it for the sake of this little self development. Bah. Haiz. Other sighing noises. They say we must be refined in the fire. But school's out, the holidays are here, the summer movies are in, somehow i don't think the fire is over yet. God shapes us. I have asked for it. Now i cry for mercy. Respite. I can't see the end of the tunnel. I feed on vague hopes, 'cos specific hopes have blown up in my face all year. I've always said being angry at someone affects only yourself. Action affects people. So you can imagine how pissed off i get if i get angry and can't take action. I tend to place my hand over my mouth and knit my brow, as if i've been kicked in the teeth, not slapped in the face. If i were still in St Patrick's, i'd beat the shit outta you for sure. Seriously, for your own fucking good. Still, people and circumstance have prevented me from moving. So u live and i let live. The worst part is you don't know how or why i hate you, and this whole year i couldn't tell you, for her sake. One and a half long months it's taken me to forgive you. Now i can just wave you off as being an idiot. I turn away, thankful i don't have to deal with you anymore. Perhaps we'll cross paths again. Perhaps there'll be no one to stop me. Perhaps we'll deal with this old school style. Perhaps you'll never ever know. A voice says walk on, never look back. Thank you Melvin, Joo Wei, Jian Hao, Johnathan, Joel, Joash, for having the time to listen to me whine. Thank you Marcus, Nick, Jason, for reminding me that life's still good. Thank you Phoebe, Janice, Rebbecca, Ben, Wei Xuan, Alvin, Joshua... all you church nutters... for unconciously never changing, keeping things real. Ahh... yes some things stay the same. Some things are real. Thank you God. Perhaps things will get better, perhaps i will get better. sips a gin n tonic, places hand over mouth ....Bah. The fire's not over. ian wong beats around the bush@ 3:14 PM Comments: Post a Comment

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Tuesday, May 09, 2006

+ How to tell if ian is angry +

first things first... i have no idea why i am posting this. Most ppl how know me sparingly well also know i tend to keep a cool head. Some might even question if ian even DOES get angry. Well, i'm human too ya?

This whole year has been a mistake. Not a series of mistakes, a mistake. But in God's mercy, thankfully its not been a waste. I hate waste more than i hate mistakes.

In my grand experiment i tried to use my heart more than my head this year, perhaps thats why i feel like a metal beam is stuck in my chest. Great Leap Backward. I have grown in ways unexpected. But if i knew the path was this rough, i would not have chosen it for the sake of this little self development. Bah. Haiz. Other sighing noises. They say we must be refined in the fire. But school's out, the holidays are here, the summer movies are in, somehow i don't think the fire is over yet.

God shapes us. I have asked for it. Now i cry for mercy. Respite. I can't see the end of the tunnel. I feed on vague hopes, 'cos specific hopes have blown up in my face all year.

I've always said being angry at someone affects only yourself. Action affects people. So you can imagine how pissed off i get if i get angry and can't take action. I tend to place my hand over my mouth and knit my brow, as if i've been kicked in the teeth, not slapped in the face.

If i were still in St Patrick's, i'd beat the shit outta you for sure. Seriously, for your own fucking good. Still, people and circumstance have prevented me from moving. So u live and i let live. The worst part is you don't know how or why i hate you, and this whole year i couldn't tell you, for her sake. One and a half long months it's taken me to forgive you. Now i can just wave you off as being an idiot. I turn away, thankful i don't have to deal with you anymore. Perhaps we'll cross paths again. Perhaps there'll be no one to stop me. Perhaps we'll deal with this old school style. Perhaps you'll never ever know. A voice says walk on, never look back.

Thank you Melvin, Joo Wei, Jian Hao, Johnathan, Joel, Joash, for having the time to listen to me whine. Thank you Marcus, Nick, Jason, for reminding me that life's still good. Thank you Phoebe, Janice, Rebbecca, Ben, Wei Xuan, Alvin, Joshua... all you church nutters... for unconciously never changing, keeping things real. Ahh... yes some things stay the same. Some things are real. Thank you God.

Perhaps things will get better, perhaps i will get better. *sips a gin n tonic, places hand over mouth* ....Bah. The fire's not over.

ian wong beats around the bush@ 3:14 PM

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